the way i see it.

On a day like today... where all I want to do is bury my head in my blankets & never emerge, I try my damnedest to find some kind of motivation.

On a day like today... where all of the insecurities of my life have seemed to band together & gang up on me, I try my damnedest to find strength.

On a day like today... with a sky filled with gray clouds & gloom, I try my damnedest to find a reason not to cry & just let it all consume me.

Today... is just one of those days.

I discovered the next bit of enlightenment from quite an unlikely place. I mean, I guess if I'm going to spend $5 for a cup of coffee, I should get a little more out of the deal, right? So thank you, my dear friends at Starbucks.

I stumbled on this quote a few months ago... it struck me, so I took a picture of it with my cell phone because I knew these words would come in handy one day. And here we are.

The world bursts at the seams with people ready to tell you you're not good enough. On occasion, some may be correct. But do no do their work for them. Seek any job; ask anyone out; pursue any goal. Don't take it personally when they say "no" - they may not be smart enough to say "yes".

-- Keith Olbermann, broadcast journalist

It's so true. Aside from the people who love & care about you, anyone else could really care less... & are pretty much chomping at the bit to step on you if it meant they would get ahead. The world is full of people who will doubt you, judge you, & criticize you. But ultimately, you are the one who makes the final call to prove them right or wrong. It sounds so cliche but its true; if you don't believe in yourself, no one else will. You can't count on anyone to do your bidding for you... know what you are worth & if you want something, go after it. I know... easier said than done. Its hard to fight for something you want because of the amount of strength it takes... its so much easier to sit on your ass & wait for it to come to you, which it very well may, but how long are you willing to wait?

I can't wait anymore. I've had it. Its so easy to get comfortable in a situation, but after a while you start to think about the difference between comfort & actual happiness. I'm comfortable, but am I really happy where I am in my life? Typically it's a domino effect... once one thing starts to look up, slowly but surely, other things will too. And if they don't on their own, you're going to want them to... & the motivation you get from the one thing that goes well, will hopefully be enough to push you into making the rest of it happen. It works both ways though... or at least for me it does. Something bad happens & I usually just wait for the rest of the world to come crashing down. Which is so terrible... but that's the usual trend. At this stage in my life, I don't want to sit back & let things happen on their own... we are the masters of our own destiny right? Make it how you want it & don't let anyone get in your way. What's the worst that could happen? Don't be afraid.

There are so many terrible people in this world, its easy to forget that there are plenty of good ones too... & believe it or not, not everyone is out to get you. I am a very guarded person & I have every right to be. I am just trying to figure out how & when to let my walls down... & with who. Its a learning process & its scary... because by keeping those walls up, yea I'm definitely keeping out the bad guys... but I am also losing out on the good guys. I've always wanted to see the good in people & in the past that has jaded me from seeing the bad... & as a result, I've been burned. So now its reversed & the rose colored glasses are off. I don't look for the good first anymore... which I want to change. As much as I want to keep the bad guys out, I want to let the good ones in. We can't live our lives constantly looking over our shoulders... or I can't at least. Yea, I've been hurt & I'll probably get hurt again... but I will learn from it, move forward with my head up & maybe kick a little dust in the faces of those fools as I walk away... but just a little ;)

Because like it says in the quote; Don't take it personally when they say "no" - they may not be smart enough to say "yes". "They" can be a job, a friend, a love interest... anyone or anything.

Don't let someone elses bad choices or ignorance be your demise.

m.