infinity.

Of all the things I am, I am NEVER bored with my life. Although there are the occasional lulls... for the most part, I feel as though I keep things fairly exciting. Not necessarily by choice, but exciting nonetheless. At the moment, things are substantially slower than ever, but I like it like that. I'm SO ready for that. I don't want or need the dramatics... who does? For the longest time, I lived what I considered to be a pretty normal life, and I felt bad for the poor saps who constantly had something to worry about. I mean, we all have something to worry about, but I mean big issues... like "get a grip" kind of issues.

Then, I became one of those poor saps. Wah-wah-wahhhhh.

By NO MEANS, do I or have I, ever wanted sympathy from anyone. Empathy maybe, but never sympathy. We all have our baggage, so I know that I'm no different from anyone else. But having someone who can relate to your pain, your sadness, your situation; whether it’s good or bad is always comforting. "I've been there", "I am there", "I know how you feel"... all fabulous phrases of comfort to hear when you're going through something. To me, there's nothing is more obnoxious than someone telling you how "great things are eventually going to be", or how "it's going to get worse before it gets better". Really!? No shit. Thank you for stating the friggin' obvious. I'm bummed out, not stupid.

I am a realist. But don't get it twisted. I am also a compassionate person who feels for people & will comfort someone who needs it, but by no means will I cloud someone's head with crap for the sake of trying to make them feel better. I know things are going to suck for a while & the person's pain isn't going to go away by me saying "it's going to be ok"... because 9 times out of 10, it IS going to be ok & chances are, they know that. But they're sad... so let them be sad. Cry with me, relate... & if you can't, just be there... don't try to say things that are going to make me want to punch you in the face. Everyone is different though, & I guess we all take different approaches to the way we handle things. I want to be comforted with reality… no false pretenses. I'm not saying emphasize their pain & be like "Wow... that really sucks, I'd hate to be you right now", because that just makes you a jackass. But just be there, be a friend, don't be a Hallmark card. We throw those out.

I felt that the rollercoaster I was on was never going to stop. There was always another drop, another sharp corner, another reason to scream. But the one thing that brought me comfort was knowing that even if it didn’t ever stop (which I don't think it does... maybe just goes into cruise control), I wasn’t alone on that ride. Everyone goes through their share of chaos… & everyone has been on that rollercoaster & probably will be again at some point. And just as my friends were riding with me, I will always ride with them.

After you go through enough, & the same people prove time & time again that they will be there, there is no doubt that those people will be there forever… for infinity. There is no better feeling than when your friends become your family. My friends are the best, craziest, funniest, most beautiful people I know. Without them, who knows what I would be. Actually I do know… I’d be insane, poorly dressed, & really bored.

I consider myself to be incredibly blessed to have such an amazing support group. We often tend to focus on the things we don’t have & let what we do have fall by the wayside. At the end of the day, I’m lucky & I know it. I feel bad for the people who don’t have good friends… I see it all the time… this one hates that one… who talks shit about this one… yet they pretend to be the best of friends. Then there are the people who just don’t have any friends in general. The girl that has “acquaintances” but no real friends she’s close to. Those are the people to worry about. Uhhhh, why is no one close to you? What did you do to have NO friends? Hmmmm… helloooooooo red flag!! That was my problem… dummy. But you live & you learn.

There are very few things in life that go on forever. Very few things that you can rely on as a constant. Those things, no matter what they are, need to be honored & appreciated. What I can see for forever in my life are the relationships I have with the people I love. Even if the person passes away, I still talk to them & continue to keep the relationship alive. My friends & my family have been there for me through my darkest hours; picking me up off the floor (literally & figuratively), giving me a shoulder to cry on, a reason to laugh, & a reason not to give up.

It’s not who pushes you that matters… it’s who catches you when you fall.

m.