stay tuned.

It’s not easy to face the reality of a painful truth. To face a failure or a disappointment head on is one of the most difficult things to admit to yourself. So you hide it... block it out… that’s the easy way. Stepping outside of yourself; out of the situation & examining it from another angle is what brings true clarity. When you’re in it, you’re just looking for reasons why & how it happened to you. When you’re out of it, you can see that it is what it is… no matter what the reason, & you can't change it. It’s crazy how a situation you thought was so complicated can be so cut & dry. What someone else does to you is their decision, how you let it impact your life is yours. Break through those self imposed limitations... & try your hardest not to have a pity party (at least not a long one). If we just got the hell out of our own way, we could avoid so many of these bumps in the road. A lot of times we just don’t let ourselves move forward… & I don’t think its intentional. It’s one of those places you end up in where you kinda feel bad for yourself… & its not that you enjoy the self pity, you just get comfortable there, because to get out, takes a lot more effort… effort that you can’t really find the strength in to apply, because when you’re in such a crappy spot, you really don’t think you have it in you. Everyone & their mother can tell you how strong you are but it’s you that has to make the effort to push through. And that’s where the uncertainty comes in… & who wants to face that!? But we have to. If you don’t, you have no one to blame but yourself for your misery. We just loooooove to blame the way we’re feeling on what we’ve gone through, who hurt us, anything… & that's normal. But the reality of it is this; yes… those things may have gotten you to that place, but it is our own fears & doubts that are keeping us there.

We’re so afraid of letting go of the past because we’re so afraid of taking hold of the future. I mean, we have every reason to be afraid of the future… the unknown is scary. But if the past wasn’t so great, we should really be looking forward to what’s to come, right!? What do we have to lose!? I know for me, “the eternal pessimist” (a label I am not happy with & am intently trying to change)… I automatically think the future is full of the same crap the past was, so I’m ok staying where I am. I’ve mastered my drama by now, I know it. The security of knowing makes us feel better. We need it. That’s why so many of us look to psychics, horoscopes, & even Magic friggin’ 8 Balls to put our minds at ease regarding the future. And no matter what they tell us, as long as you can feel even the slightest bit of relief in knowing what kinda/sorta might happen… you can breathe easy. You get some peace of mind. Ridiculous, yet so incredibly comforting all at once. I am absolutely one of those people. I need the affirmation. It’s bizarre; why wouldn’t I have enough faith in myself & my life to know I can have a good future? It’s comical, really. We can be such dopes sometimes.

But to not be willing to move forward because we can’t let go of a sucky occurrence from our past? What are we holding onto? Hurt? Betrayal? Oh yea… wouldn’t want to let go of that, right? Puh-lease! Pure craziness… it’s so weird what makes us tick & how fear can keep us glued to the floor. But in order to fully let go, you have to face it… head on. And that’s what we have such a struggle with… that’s what we’re so damn afraid of. To stare those truths in the face, kiss em’ right on the lips, say "buh-bye" & walk away. Why is it so hard!? That’s what I’m trying to figure out… the past has passed… be done with it! Be excited for what’s ahead… not afraid.

We live in a scary world full of things & people ready & willing to tear our heads off & our hearts out. It is definitely a dog eat dog world & everyone is out for themselves. I never want to be considered one of those people... I'm not selfish & I don't want to be associated with people that are. However, we do need to make sure that we take care of ourselves first & don't get wrapped up in making everyone under the sun happy. Guard yourself. Build walls. And my fave; GLOVES UP. Once you've been burned it's hard to let someone else in. But trust yourself... trust your gut & if it doesn't feel right, it's not. Do not force yourself into anything you aren't comfortable with no matter what anyone says. Do it all in your own time... at your own pace. Little by little it will all come together. We can only hope. It's tough... a double edge sword for sure. I try not to think of the future too much these days... just looking to go with the flow... & see where the next gust of wind takes me.

Stay tuned.

m.